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All the Strange, Strange SeasoningsPaul
2008-11-28 02:01:00 UTC

Regular readers will know that I’m a big Doctor Who fan. Inspired by Emo-Doctor’s amusing whingeing in this comic (and partly by the Tam of Rassilon), I wondered today: what would Time Lords eat at a Time Lord pizza party?

This is the kind of philosophical quandary that plagues me on a frequent basis. I’m deep like that.

Behold: the Pizza of Rassilon.

An image of the Pizza of Rassilon

Constructing the Seal of Rassilon—celebrated emblem of the Time Lords of Gallifrey—in cheese was easier than you might think. An image of the Seal is readily available. This was colour-inverted and scaled to fit the pre-bought pizza base, then printed out and taped to greaseproof paper. We layered sliced cheese between greaseproof paper with the Seal on top, and cut away the excess with a craft knife.

Template for the Seal of Rassilon of Cheese

Every time I go into Tescos for one thing, they don’t have it. This isn’t just a common occurrence, it’s disturbingly, statistically frequent. I’m starting to think that they do it deliberately. “Bing bong, this is a staff announcement. That guy with the cloak is heading this way. Quickly, everyone, hide all of the stuff he might want to buy”. In this case, they didn’t have sliced mozzarella, so here I’m using Gouda.

Also, it turns out that a craft knife is another one of those indispensable kitchen gadgets. Maybe we should do an episode on them some time.

It may interest to those of you who watched the ovens episode to know that I preheated the oven this time. To be fair, I preheated the oven mostly because it gave me something to be doing while Jehane got her craft-knife skillz on. I also spread the tomato on the pizza base. I’m more of a high-level thinker; I leave the implementation details to my staff.

Ten minutes in the oven, and then:

pajh posing with pizza, possibly

There are worlds out there where the sky is burning, where the sea’s asleep and the rivers dream; people made of smoke and cities made of song. Somewhere there’s danger, somewhere there’s injustice, and somewhere else my dinner’s getting cold, and yet somehow I’m still standing around posing for photographs. Come on Ace, we’ve got work to do.

The Consumption of Jehane of the Pizza of Rassilon

The last I saw of the Pizza of Rassilon was at the Gates of Elysium, where it flew into the jaws of the Nightmare Child.

I tried to save it.

(I ended up saving about half.)

And it was damn tasty, too.

And now, the necessary Legal Disclaimer of Rassilon. The Seal of Rassion is copyright © the British Broadcasting Corporation, 1974. (Of course, in 1974 it was the emblem of the Elders of Voga, the Planet of Gold, in Revenge of the Cybermen, and it only became a Gallifreyan emblem later on.) No infringement is intended, expressed, or implied. Personally, I feel that the destruction of Gallifrey during the Time War would have forced all of their political symbology into the public domain, but if the BBC lawyers feel differently, then this usage is covered by either Fair Use or Parody rights, or both—I haven’t yet decided which.

Also, anyone reading this post is encouraged to buy Doctor Who DVDs and merchandise. After you’ve bought ours.


Comments

Hakuo0000 | 2008-11-28 03:15:23 UTC

I fuckin- love you. So much. Have my time baby.

Pipesdreams | 2008-11-28 03:45:31 UTC

At first I thought you’d baked a cherry pie with an inventive pastry crust, and I had a nice joke about the doctor’s fourth incarnation all lined up. Then I started reading and discovered it was CHEESE on a pizza. Bold move, daring to use a complex template pattern when working with a solid that turns semi-liquid when exposed to heat. Always pushing the envelope of nerd cuisine. What will you think of next?

pajh | 2008-11-28 03:58:39 UTC

@Pipesdreams—“Baker”? Don’t forget Colin. Six is good.

Kristin | 2008-11-28 09:09:10 UTC

Brilliant! :D

It looks almost too pretty too eat. Maybe my next Tam of Rassilon will be red and gold.

Louise Dennis | 2008-11-28 09:14:41 UTC

I’m almost tempted to try this – especially since its pure cheese and tomato which none of the family object to.

Johnnie | 2008-11-28 10:19:12 UTC

You, sir, are a legend. A legend of epic stature, whose exploits will be told and retold by generations to come. At least, they will if I ever have kids.

Jean-Loup | 2008-11-28 11:35:48 UTC

Oh dear, if some people I know get wind of this post, there will be pizzas with huge lambdas embossed in cheese coming out of lots of ovens in Edinburgh before I have time to say Gordon Ram… I mean Freeman…

;)

Simon Bradshaw | 2008-11-28 11:52:18 UTC

I think you may have a ‘transitory copy’ defence. Yes, I know that’s meant to apply to webcaches and the like, but I can’t imagine the pizza lasted much longer…

Hugh | 2008-11-28 12:18:40 UTC

Best. Legal defence. Ever.

cha0tic | 2008-11-28 12:50:26 UTC

That would be a FAIL in my house. Not enough Pizza for one, let alone two, but then I’m a greedy bugger :)

Nice stencil skillz though.

Using firmer card you could use this technique to decorate or theme many different sorts of food. Cocoa powder on top of a cheesecake, icing sugar on top of a chocolate cake, Parika on Cheese on toast. It might even work on the burnt sugar top of a Creme Brulee. You get the idea.

When Hugh obtains his Meat Glue you could stick a load of ham slices together and get to work on that.

pajh | 2008-11-28 15:08:22 UTC

@Jean-Loup: Oh yes. The Half-Life glyph would be much easier to etch, as well.

@cha0tic: We’d already eaten. This was more of a proof of concept. There was plenty go around: the Pizza of Rassilon is bigger on the inside, a bit like my stomach.

Dougal Stanton | 2008-11-28 15:24:48 UTC

@Jean-Loup, pajh

Oh, Half Life. Jeez, I was still on lambda calculus! :-)

Louise Dennis | 2008-11-28 15:29:08 UTC

@Dougal – so was I.

pajh | 2008-11-28 15:39:38 UTC

I thought you meant the HL glyph because it incorporates the circle around the outside. You need a circular emblem for a pizza.

Robert J Lee | 2008-11-28 20:08:27 UTC

Or a non-circular pizza
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calzone)
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Detroit-style_pizza)

Amanda | 2008-11-28 21:09:37 UTC

Oh, this has cheered me up a huge amount. Well done sir!


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